Nothing is Concrete – Beauty Mark Magazine
Unplanned shoots are often the best…
I was wanting to try out a friends studio space in Vancouver’s west end so I invited Rachel Lee to come out and pose me. I also was interested in working with a man in a boudoir like setting, as I hadn’t before, so I invited Chad Walters to join us. It was never my intention to have the two pose and model together but I am so thrilled that we did as the results and the story line that came through this collaboration really hit a mark.
Chad took it upon himself to write an amazing piece about sexuality, that got picked up and published in Beauty Mark Magazine, which is included below.
You can purchase a digital or hardcopy of this issue here: http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/1015324
NOTHING IS CONCRETE…
It is my experience that many folks come to the conclusion that others are either “gay” or “straight” – while the “bisexual” folks either get honoured as a third category or tagged as “confused.” What is this drive we have to guess and assume other peoples’ sexual orientation? Is it that easily categorized? The human experience of interpersonal attraction, orientation or sexual preference, however you wish to articulate it, is far too complex to merely answer “yes.”
It is in our nature as humans to label, divide, separate and categorize – it adds a helpful structure to our world. Putting everything into a cute little box that can be neatly stacked has its advantages, surely; however, this obsessive inclination to pack complex human sexual preferences into two (maybe three) tiny boxes is incredibly imprisoning.
I think that it is easy to confuse identity and attraction. Just because I identify as gay does not mean that I cannot be attracted to women – it just means that I identify as gay. Let’s just leave identity on the sidelines for right now and focus on the experience of attraction, that natural pull towards another human being. My body is wired to send signals and it accomplishes this through inputs of touch, scent, sight, and so on. Regardless of how I psychologically identify with any one group, my body will always do its job.
One of the many invasive and personal questions I often get asked by others is, “Have you or would you ever have sex with a woman?” After making a point to inquire whether that person asks everyone such personal and inappropriate questions I say, “Well, I do not feel 100% gay.” This often confuses people. See, I view sexual attraction as a scale – a sliding scale. As a baseline, I often self-locate at 95% on the gay scale, knowing that, if the stars aligned just right, it is always possible to have a “run-in” with the big V. Yes, 95% is quite high and the reason why I am not at 100% is that I have met a few women who have shifted my marker.
My marker definitely shifted during a recent photoshoot with a female model. Unintentionally, in front of the lens, a story unfolded between her and me. I have never modeled with a woman before but naturally, and as if magically, it soon became an intimate story of lust and longing where she and I were wrapped up in mutual attraction. Divided by a pane of glass we were left wanting for each other and, as the storyline progressed, we found ourselves posing with one another on a bed on set. We got close and cozy and allowed ourselves to enliven the role of a man and a woman in the fuels of passion. It was beautiful.
To be entirely frank, this woman is stunning. While she straddled me, in her light blue lingerie, I became increasingly aware that I was only wearing briefs… “what if…?” I thought to myself, “this is incredibly sexy” – as I chuckled that my older brother would surely find it amusing that his “gay brother” was in this situation. Because I am human, with senses, I could feel her hair and skin, hear her, see her, and pick up her pheromones… my neurones and synapses were firing beyond my control. It was a professional and mature photoshoot, but because it was at the same time intimate and sensual I left contemplating my place on the sexual attraction scale.
Nothing is concrete.
And of course, their solo sets with me from that same day…